Marriage is not about a perfect relationship but a bond that needs to be nurtured to make a marriage work. In fast paced life, the lustre of marriage is losing its sheen. A quick look to what you can do to bring back the zing in your life as a couple…
A quote from Mignon McLaughlinsays it all- ‘A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.’
A success formula
A marriage doesn’t become a success on its own, automatically or accidently. A marriage is a success when the partners make an effort to understand each other’s’ notes, tone and tonality. When this happens, a melody of love and harmony is created. And all this needs time, effort and commitment.
Taking time out for marriage is surely not easy; especially in the high pressure jobs and work travel which eats up on lot of weekend time as well meant for the family. Desire to stay connected is there but time to talk and listen to each other perhaps is compromised. Mind is preoccupied with deadlines, presentations and appraisals, disturbing the symphony of marriage.
Before noisy discordant notes disrupt the melody, both the partners need to remind and assess for themselves what marriage means to them and what are the couple’s expectations from their marriage.
If marriage is integral to you, here’s a checklist if you are doing enough to nurture it…
Communicate with each other
Talking to each other maintains emotional connect. It gives greater awareness of the other person’s sensitivities, feelings, emotions and view point. Even telling each other how the day went, helps both partners to understand what makes the other one happy, excited, angry or disappointed.
Testing time comes when couples need to talk about serious issues, such as, money management, raising kids, and dealing with in-laws or changing jobs. It is quite likely that the two have different opinions onthese matters which makecommunication difficult.Matter becomes worse when discussionchanges intoargument and melody of harmony becomes a cacophony! A conversation makes solutions.
Listen with empathy
It matters a lot to the individual how the partner is responding to his/her aspirations, dreams, hopes or fears. An individual loves to have a partner who is a keen listener and whoresponds by making affirmative and positive statements. The emotional connect is strengthened when the partner listens with empathy without being judgemental.
Keep the romance alive
With the passage of time every day routine takes over. The marriage becomes lustreless and a dull affair. This is a shakeuptime: revisit the past and remember the prelude of the symphony – Remember the things that you both enjoyed doing together- listening to music, going on picnics, gazing at stars holding hands, dining out or whatever.Rejuvenate your marriage by bringing back the shared interests and passions to add fun and laughter back in your lives.
Appreciate
Acknowledge and appreciate your partner’s qualities.Express gratitude when your partner does something for you, for example, making a steaming cup of coffee when you are tired or keeping the newspaper handy or taking care of the garden or letting you see your favourite TV show when his/her favourite show is on. Don’t miss an opportunity to appreciate.
Look the other way
No two people like or dislike the same things or the same discipline rules or the same behaviour. When two people live together small irritants are likely to be there,e.g., socks thrown around, leaving wet towel on a chair, forgetting to switch off lights, misplacing house keys or spectacles, burping loudly etc. Try and modify what you can and for the rest look the other way.
Team work
Household chores are umpteen, paying bills, buying grocery, keeping things in order,keeping accounts, helping children with homework,dropping them for hobby classes or fortheir play dates and also picking them up, house repair work – the list is endless. Couples tend to argue if responsibilities are not well defined or the work distribution is not fair.Try and make a fair distribution of work between the two of you. If one person is working in the kitchen the other could babysit.
Footer: The writer of the article Sheetal Sharma is an author and a retired academician and a counsellor.
This article was first published in the print version of SUBURB 2017 issue
